啧。啧。啧。啧。啧。

我已经不知道坐在电脑面前多久了。

我一点头绪也没有。

好像一巴掌打死自己啊。

我已经伤心，难过，沮丧，失望到不知道要怎么样写文章了啊。 干。

哭诉个屁。

到头来还是没有办法融入这交杂不堪的环境啊。

平时一个人都好好的现在他妈竟然想找一个人说话我到底是怎么了啊。

平时不是都很爱一个人吗？

现在到底是在纠结什么？

是真的快要变哑巴了吗？

现在一个人想要静一静的时候我竟然只是越静越烦而已啊。

很想玩绑紧跳，很想要就这样跳下去，

然后一直坠落。

不停地坠落。

然后再坠落。

呼…………

妈的很讨厌自己越来越会不知道搞什么鬼忽然间不想讲话不想开心。

对，我竟然不想开心。

啾鸡拜竟然会不想开心。

我他妈真的快变成自己一直都很讨厌的女孩子了啊，操。

………

…………

……………

到底在说什么写什么我自己也已经搞不清楚了……

我已经搞不懂现在自己的情绪到底是哪种情绪。

到底是什么样的一个病态啊？啾鸡拜。

最不可以思议的是，

布莱恩今天，

竟然会，

对

这

个

世

界

感

到

反

感

。

更讨厌的就是什么都不知道就以为自己什么都知道的人。

一直拼死要闯入我的世界跟我说三道四。

操你妈逼，我自己都还搞不懂自己怎么一回事你来说教屁啊操你妈的。

要说我浪费生命，要说我废物，烂渣什么都好。

你就是不要进来靠背我。

拜托不要，我真的对你超级无敌反感。

我抽烟到底是干你个屁事啊。

拜托我也知道抽烟不好啊，但是干你屁事啊？

我有把烟吐在你脸上吗？

有吗？

有吗？

有没有？

我到底是在抽烟还是强奸你你到底哪里有病需要医？

我不需要你关心啊，

你到底把自己当成谁了啊？

我不需要就是不需要我没有在逞强。

 不要把自己当成神圣开导大师乱乱闯进别人的生活里发狂般地开导人家好吗？

你到底是有病到什么程度？

Nothing more.

It's been over 2 months.

Since I moved to KL and continue my degree.

Yes, life sucks at the beginning, and it does get better.

But not really better at the same time.

I always know what I want and what I should do.

So I made a decision to come up here,

for everything I've been pursuing for so long.

I'm always a loner,

I've get used to it already but this time is different.

I found no one to talk with at the starting point,

uhhhh but I did found one and then problems strikes again.

It's all because of me myself, like every single time.

It seems like I pushed the wall down every time when things and life got better.

Funny right?

I'm one of those who never really like to be annoyed when I'm doing my stuff,

so maybe that's why whenever I found someone to talk with,

I  forbid myself from talking.

I tell myself to shut up.

I felt like I talked to much.

I'M AFRAID THAT I ANNOYED SOMEONE TIL THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK AT ALL.

I felt like I'm such a dumb for annoying people with my own problems.

and maybe I should just shut the crap up and live my own life again.

But maybe there's another cause.

I appreciate every single individuals who appreciate me.

I treat everyone the same way.

I mean,

LIKE ALWAYS.

And it sucks for being pointed here and there just because I suddenly changed my attitude to someone.

I mean, where's the point tho? I don't get it.

If today people treat me like I'm his or her friend,

then thank you I appreciate that so much and I will treat you like my friend too.

But if you treat me like a monster, like my face fuck your life up,

then I'm sorry that I disgusted you and make your life so bad.

I will just withdraw not because I surrender for some bullshits reason,

I just don't want people to feel bad, sad and unhappy.

No I ain't no saint,

It's only because I know what it felt like to be unhappy. 

It sucks for being judged like treating a person nicely is a disgusting action.

That is just the worse feeling I could ever have.

I shut myself in my room, stay at the corner and not saying a single shit at all doesn't mean I hate this world and everyone around me.

I was born like this, with a perfect fuckface of mine.

No you don't understand how happy I am to find a friend who you could share shits and not care about anything at all.

But it's like you need miracle for that to happen.

sighhhhhhhh,

I can't find a way to elaborate what happened to me anymore.

Cigarettes doesn't help anymore.

All I need now is a dog, a cat, a panda or maybe a unicorn.

So I could hug and cuddle them when I need one.

(No, penguin will die in Malaysia, it's too hot =.=)